Sunday, September 30, 2007

but I love her...

A few days ago I had one of those typical mom-daughter conversations. We fought, we talked, we cried some, we laughed and at I am not quite sure why but at one point I just told her, that I was not her enemy and that I do not wish to be attacked every time I tell her something or let her know that what she is doing right now is not ok. She gave me "the look" again and so I just left and went back to my room...
I sat there for a while and thought "But I just love her and want what's best for her! Why doesn't she trust me or take my word seriously?", when it occured to me that this may actually be how our heavenly father feels a lot of times. We talk about being his children and claim him to be a loving father, but do we live accordingly? Do we listen to his words, may it be from the scriptures or through modern day revelations by a prophet?

We call ourselves Christians but do we really know what it means and do we live it? Do we try to be and give our best on a daily basis or do we just do it when it's most convenient, when we can already predict the outcome of our actions and know they will be in our favour?
I know that this is how children act a lot of times towards their parents. When they know for sure that punishment is to be expected since mom/dad will find out in and instant what they have been doing, they get afraid and wish they didn't do what they had done.
Or they don't even do it and tell their friends that they can't since their parents are going to be really mad at them if they do this or that and then some..., they are afraid of the consequences and therefor rather be good instead and listen to what their parents told them.

But sometimes mom and dad aren't there or a punishment for a certain action has not been declared properly and well, what they are about to do is just so much more fun than listening to ones parents! They just don't understand that we love them and really don't want to be a party pooper but keep our children as safe as possible. We want to know that they will know what to do in certain situations without having been into them before. We want them to trust us that they don't need to experience everything there is. Some things are best left unexperienced!
And our heavenly father knows best what will bring us sorrow and pain and has warned us, yet given us free agency. So what do we do with it? Do we trust him and take his word on it - or do we wander through the valley of temptation, sin, drugs, bad choices and take a little here and there just to sample it?

What the heck, explore it all now, live free, repend later, right? Unfortunately that's not how it works. Sure, we can give it a try, see how it all works and what kind of influence it has on us - but the next choice may not be our own! We can take the first step towards something that we have been warned about - but do we know what it will lead us into? Do we really know it all so we are able to predict the results? Do we know what our choices will mean to the loved ones around us and how they may actually have to suffer because of them?

We can't see and know it all and that's why we have been given parents and leaders here on earth who hopefully lead us into the right direction and towards the light. And we have a heavenly father who told us and still tells us what is right and what will lead us down the path of light and truth, towards true joy and everlasting blessings.
If only we were accepting that he truly loves us and wants what's best for us! Like I am not my daughter's enemy, neither is our heavenly father ours! He is not the almighty party pooper - but he sure knows it all and best and sometimes it may be wiser to just listen to him instead of trying it all out for ourselves...
And sometimes I wish my daughter would understand that I really want what's best for her, nothing else!


I have a whole new found respect for people who take care of people, be that in a nursing home, at home taking care of children or elderly parents or at a hospital.

My daughter had an accident three days ago and has now a cast all the way down her left leg. There isn't much she can or is allowed to do except laying around, playing gameboy and reading comic books. She's also very antsy since she is normally a very active teenager, so her mood swings back and forth and hits me since I am the only one who is around...
Added to my regular routine in the morning is now the task of getting her ready for her half the day without me: get her to the bathroom - or make her go by herself on her crutches, make her bed all fluffy and fresh, fix breakfast, wash her and help her change into fresh clothes, make sure she is all comfy and that her casts lies on the pillows properly and get her the phone, put a double feature movie in the DVD or Video player and put her gameboy and some comic books within reach. Nice, hu?
Yesterday I had the pleasure of taking her into the shower and making sure she doesn't get her cast wet - had to be very creative! I stacked a little plastic stool on top of an upside down toybox, sat her on it, placed her casted leg outside the tub, wrapped a towel around it so it doesn't get wet and made sure that as much of her as possible was behind the shower curtain.
Then I showered her, washed her hair and the rest of her and got myself all wet, and the bathroom floor, when I showered all the foam off of her! But in the end, I had a freshly washed child, all dressed up in fluffy pyjamas and ready for the night! And boy, was I exhausted!

So I want to take this moment to say thank you to all you out there who take care of and nurse people on a daily basis! You do a terrific job and deserve a hefty bonus on your next paycheck! I don't know how you manage, seriously! It is so hard to be in this profession and not let it get to you. I find myself thinking about my daughter most of the time and about what I can do to make it easier for her. I even forget to have my own breakfast in the mornings because after tending to her, I'd be too late already and hardly have time for a decent shower...
Thank you for doing what you do - you rock!